man bites monkey

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Random word association #2: Police

I'd buy that monkey for a dollar! #1

Being the first in an occasional series of 'interesting' monkey-related items being sold on eBay.

Often, they will need no accompanying words to further explain how 'interesting' they are.

Like this one.

The star orangutan looks for his better half!

"Leshen the orangutan's blog both in Chinese and English features its latest image and mate-seeking information."

The Internet - helping lovelorn primates find happiness since 2006.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Fly, my beauty, fly

I can think of one obvious reason why this costume is "hard to find".

Monkey Gaming News: Ape Escape 3

"In Ape Escape 3, Mr. Specter has teamed up with the afro-wearing Dr. Tomoki to once again unleash a horde of monkeys upon the world, this time setting them out to create a countless amount of mundane television shows..."

Video games rock.

Monkeys rule.

Video games featuring monkeys are the best thing in the world.

More here.

Artful dodging monkey

From somewhere on the internet:

"A monkey has been pickpocketing locals in an Indian village and using the money to fund his drink habit.

Trader Sarathi Pradhan, who's seen the thief at work, says: "He springs on the unwary and grabs at their pockets. He particularly likes paper money."

The sly simian, who's thought to have learned the trick from his owner, began his reign of terror last year in Orissa. Since then he has been stealing cash and spending it on booze.

"He comes here almost every day, hands over the money and gets his drink," says Ramesh, the owner of the local liquor shop."

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Cooking with monkeys!

A slightly different take on the topic.

Cooking with monkey!

Let the little white monkey guide you on a world of culinary adventures!

You may now pick fleas from the bride's fur

Doesn't everyone just look so happy?

Monkey Trumps #2 - Bubbles

Bubbles - Michael Jackson's 'companion'

Fear factor
  • 3
  • 7
  • 2
  • 2
Likelihood to have been forever mentally scarred
  • 10

Almost makes me want to take up skiing

Let me stress: almost.

Shame, that would've been so cool...

From somewhere on the internet:

"On 12th January 2001, scientists in Oregon announced the birth of the first genetically engineered primate. The rhesus monkey had a jellyfish gene that caused jellyfish to glow; however, the monkey did not glow."

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I see sock monkeys

Sock monkeys, taken to rather disturbing extremes.

I am already having nightmares about the clown one in the front row, and I'm not even asleep yet.

Random word association #1: Tennis

Being an occasional series of the best result from words chosen at random and typed into google images, proceeded by the word "monkey".

Monkeys, high in a tree

Presumably they'd run out of lighter fuel.

Mr Orange Monkey

Those of you that need to ask "why?" shouldn't be here.

Or here.

Russian Monkey Army - how close we came

Had Stalin succeeded, Planet Of The Apes would have been a docu-drama instead of sci-fi (albeit with Russian subtitles).

Scariest of all is the James Bond plot-like statement: "The communist strongman told Russia's top animal breeding researcher, Ilya Ivanov, to drop his work with horses and farm animals to take up the project."

The good, the bad and the monkey

This kind of thing is exactly why I started this blog.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Born from an egg on a mountain top

This man deserves a medal, pity, respect and therapy in equal doses.

"Monkey magic, monkey magic, monkey magic, monkey magic ooooo-ooohhh."

Big Hairy Brother

Far more interesting than the current crop of plankton starring in the UK's 'Celebrity' Big Brother...

Dance, monkey, dance!

Fantastic, another craft project.

Sometimes I forget what I did with my spare time before the internet was invented.

Man Bites Monkey's readership grows...

Watch out for that p..

From somewhere on the internet:

"Popular Science's No. 10 worst job caught our attention: Orangutan-pee collector. Anthropologist Cheryl Knott of Harvard is a pioneer of "noninvasive monitoring of steroids through urine sampling." Translation: Look out below! Knott and her colleagues have been studying the endangered primates in Borneo. Once a subject is spotted, they deploy plastic sheets like a firemen's rescue trampoline. For pee-catching precision, they attach bags to poles and follow beneath the animals. 'It's kind of gross when you get hit, but this is the best way to figure out what's going on in their bodies,' Knott says."

Indisputable arse

Somewhere, in a parallel universe, a gorilla is walking around in a coat made from the unattractive and freakish hide of Pete Burns.

"Why I hate chimps"

Being an essay in which some clever scientist-type person posits the argument that our close DNA relationship to chimpanzees should not be celebrated or cause us to look more favourably on our furry simian cousins.

Which is of course nonsense. Even the writer admits it at the end, stating "perhaps chimps aren’t so bad after all."

Well, d'oh.

There are many other such essays on the site, all of which make interesting points, none more so than "Why Bond villains employ dwarves". Top work, clever scientist-type person!

Will it be mushrooms? Fried onion rings?

We'll have to wait and see...

(altogether now) "Hope it's chimps, it's chimps..."

Remember: chimps have no neck

Thus making them very easy to draw - heck: even a 10-year old can do it.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Chimp Week

Every week is chimp week on man bites monkey.

Graciously, the BBC have decided to pay tribute to that fact.

It should've remained lost if you ask me...

"Bathtime will NEVER be the same AGAIN!" (Yes, it'll be much, much WORSE...)

But look - bottom left ... a towel monkey!!

Monkey Trumps #1 - Mr Teeny

Being number one in an occasional series of 'cut out and keep' Monkey Trading Cards. Collect the whole set!

Mr Teeny - Krusty The Clown's monkey stooge

Fear factor
  • 2
  • 5
  • 6
  • 2
Ability to smoke cigars
  • 9

Until the 12th of Never, that's how much longer!

"one does wonder how much longer Roet can scan the simian for subject matter before becoming merely repetitious."

Fashioned from the socks of working men...

More sock monkey revelations here...

...perhaps I'll be able to give up my day job after all. Though I think I'll look for an alternative source of materials to the socks of working men.

Monkeys rule!

Further proof, were any needed.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Ah, those were the days

All these new-fangled American adverts featuring talking chimps dressed in suits got me hankering after the old UK PG Tips tea ads with the exact same (and even more amusing) concept. These adverts defined a generation (and probably made me the type of person running a blog like this today...)

"Dad - did you know the piano's on my foot?"
"You hum it son, I'll play it."

True comedy genius. More stills from the classics here.

More sock monkey madness

In my intellectual research as to why sock monkeys look like the have a mouth on their butts, I was drawn here - full instructions on how to create your own - "for all you sock monkey fans!" (sic).

I suspect Rockford red heel socks are not available where I live and I can't even sew a button on a shirt, but what the heck - I'll give it a go.

Laughable results will no doubt be posted here in due course.

It's that time of year again

- when the Hokkaido monkeys take to the hot springs...
I would so love to see these in real life - Japan knows how to treat its monkeys.